scroll up
don't reach the bottom of the screen
You hear the beeping of a heart rate machine and the voice of a woman quietly sobbing. A man authoritatively saying “there seems to be a change in his condition” and rushing out of the room calling for assistance. You hesitantly open your eyes but all you see is a bright white light. you start seeing some blurred figures around you that gradually come into focus: two doctors and three nurses surround you. Behind them, you notice the face of your wife changing her expression from worried to angry. She starts yelling at you “how could you do this to us?! Have you no shame?!”. One of the nurses escorts her out of the room while the two doctors are reading the chart that was attached to your bed and the other nurses are doing things over your one of them is tweaking the IV and the other is removing the ventilation machine from your face. This is not what you expected that will happen. Actually, this was what you were most afraid of. Your nightmare just came true. Next time you jump, try to be more complete with yourself will you? Dumbass...
You hear waves washing onto shore. You feel the warmth of sunlight on the back of your head. As you gradually open your eyes all you see is wet sand in which your head is buried. You start coughing and water comes out of your mouth. After settling your breath you look around and see nothing but the horizon behind the ocean and the jungle full of palm trees behind you. You think to yourself “Is this heaven?”. Slowly you try to pick yourself up from the shore but it is not as easy to stand up as you thought. When you finally succeed to stand on your feet you burst in a loud and long scream that is followed by a hysterical laugh. You think to yourself – this is it. Nothing else matters now, you are free to run wild, they will get along just fine without you. You get a fresh start.
As you keep sinking down you realize all that you left behind has too much value for you. There is nothing that can match your desire to see your girls grow up to become the intelligent women you know them to be. All that you have done, all the regrets don’t seem to matter anymore. You struggle to untie the weight you attached to your leg. You feel the oxygen in your lungs running out quickly and start to panic. You see the weight sinking further down but you start to ascend. You start pushing your hands against the water in effort to go up. You can’t believe you got so far down the river. You think to yourself “ I guess this is what they call rock bottom huh..?”. among the pitch black waters above you, you notice bright flares of the street lights from along the bridge you jumped off of. The notion of getting closer to the top exhilarates you and gives you a boost of hope and energy to keep on going. Soon you’ll be back on top. Of the water. Of your life.